Diary of a toddler.

I've been thinking for a while about how to write even just a FEW of the funny things that I deal with on a daily basis, and I just HAVE to share.

Any of you with toddlers currently, or Mommies who remember these days all too well...you will definitely relate.

Let me just say-
....this-is-my-life-with-Princess-Emma.

"Mommy, why are you spraying that smelly stuff on the window.  You're wiping it!  My hand art is beautiful.  When you turn around I will make it again on the window and the oven...and maybe the dishwasher too.  There. Perfect."


"Where are we? 

What is this stuff on the ground.  

It looks like cookie crumbs everywhere!  

You put me in this tight outfit 

...with no sleeves or pants.  

And a weird diaper.  

And rubbed white stuff all over my body. 

Its sticky, and smelly.  

The sun is bright, and I cannot see right!  

OH MY WORD...WHY did you bring me here, 

I do not like walking on these cookie crumbs.

  EWWW!!! 

**Screams bloody murder** 

That is a giant bath tub 

that splashes over there.  

I mean a GIANT bath tub.  

You know I don't like being splashed at all.  

Or do you know me at all?? 

Because if you did, you would not bring your princess here! 

DADDY, hold me!!!!"

(But in Emma language she simply screamed and said- "no beach.")

Emma's new interpretation of the word fork. You can imagine.  

She says it *clear as day* f*ck.  

There is NO changing it, 

no matter how many times we say, yes FORK! :) 

Sweet little innocent Emma has to name everyone's forks at the table.  

Our dinner conversation usually starts off: 

Emma: "Mommy's f*ck, Daddy's f*ck, Emmees f*ck.....Mommy an Daddy's f*ck"
...to which Garrett chuckles and says- "Yep, you're right!!" ;)




*My favorite*-

Mommy: "Emma, I'm going to teach you a very important song that is about America.  Its about the flag.  Here- you can hold a flag and wave it while we sing- 'You're a grand ole flag, you're a high flying flag....can you wave your flag and sing with me?"

Emma: (waves flag and sings in proudest voice) "Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity doggggggg"

Mommy: "Seriously??"